So, let’s just go back to the beginning, shall we? I think you need a little background context.
*Clears throat*
January 2020, I don’t know, the start of the year just felt…different. I couldn’t explain it, I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I knew I felt… different. I was in a loving relationship, lived in an apartment with my sister, on top of the world, amazing friends, great village, supportive church family, etc. Everything wasn’t perfect, but I was doing pretty well, ya know.
It was not long, before the Lord started interrupting my sleep.
Now listen, if you know ya girl… WE LOVE A GOOD NAP, and at night? Oh baby, heavenly peace, please don’t bother me unless somebody’s in danger or on their way to glory.
When I tell you, the Lord would NOT let me get comfortable, I would toss and turn all night, waking up feeling so groggy, because I had been restless. No peace just couldn’t get still. I felt like God
was starting to pull me closer to Him, and it was clear that He wanted my attention.
The first thing that I had to change was my relationship status.
Now listen sugga, when I say I DID NOT want to leave that relationship! I had never felt so loved, so seen, so heard, so protected by someone that wasn’t a relative. I felt safe, and untouchable and yet God
still posed me with the question “Me or Him”?
Ya’ll know how we sing “Lord I love you more than anything”, with our whole chest? BABY HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO CHOOSE? Cause don’t talk to me, if you ain’t ever been in a “more than anything” type scenario. Please.
It was two months, two whole months before I finally pulled the plug. And to make matters worse, the pandemic had JUST begun. So, Lord, you mean to tell me, not only do I lose my man, but now the world is shutting down and I can’t go nowhere? You are really about to make me isolate
with my feelings? In real time?
Wild behavior.
Baby, I cried like my Granny and dog died, cause ain’t no way you are putting me through this. And this was all 17 months BEFORE I told God, “Take control of my life”.
So, by the time August 2021 came, and I prayed that INSANE prayer, I was in a place of surrender. I had nothing left to lose, truly.
God had my attention, more than ever before, and I wanted whatever He wanted for me.
But I had no clue, how many more times He was going to humble me until I meant those words with every fiber of my being.
Talk soon,
Racq