*exhales*
We’ll be taking a lot of deep breaths before we get started, sugga… just bear with me.
Now that you have a bit of background context on my story, we’ll jump to present day life.
As I write this, I’m currently struggling with the concept of grace; Not grace for others but for me.
We so quickly, throw out the phrase, "Girl, give yourself grace" or "There's grace for that", be we are... you know what let me rephrase, I can be so unkind to myself. I beat myself up, I'm harder on myself than others. And I can definitely run my list of sins/transgressions off better than anybody.
You can't beat me when it comes to tearing myself down, but I have no problem building and affirming others. Ain't that something?
Shows how much you love yourself, babe. But we'll talk about that another day.
Back to topic.
I moved to Memphis at the end of August, and when I tell you the Lord has quite literally sent me on the ugliest life detox. Like Sir, I SO did NOT come here for this! … or did I?
I knew this leg of my faith journey would grow me spiritually, but I had no clue how much it would stretch my character.
Through conversations, I’m learning and hearing different perspectives that I don’t necessarily disagree with but that I’ve never heard before. These perspectives are mature and full of wisdom, which is so beautiful. However, I’ve started to feel immature, or like I’ve been operating incorrectly
in life because I wasn’t thinking on the level that I had been introduced to.
But I wasn’t wrong in my thinking, I just hadn’t been privy to another perspective. And in my mind, my way was the right, and only way. How could I be so open minded, yet so closed off?
Wild behavior.
Soon after I gain this new perspective, my membership to the Overthinkers Catherdral of Worship activates, and I start to overanalyze past mistakes, missed moments, and missed steps. As if I had the tools to say or do the right thing from the beginning. I didn’t.
This is my first time doing this life thing, and there’s no class to prep you for what you may or may not encounter. Nobody gets it right, all the time. Life is about growth, evolving and doing better once you know better.
So why am I beating myself up?
I… Hi, my name is Racquel, and I struggle with perfectionism.
*sigh*
Talk soon,
Racq