*exhale*
This faith walk is really something.
When you’re a new Christian, or you’ve finally been hemmed up by God for real, for real, you’re all in. Nothing can shake you, you’re standing firm on the word, you’re so confident that everything will be alright because God is going to always come through. You’re absolutely on fire for Him,
and there’s nothing anyone can say or do to sway you otherwise.
Then you start living a little while.
You start experiencing some trouble, some heartache, some frustration. Suddenly, you’re praying less, your stress levels are rising, you’re not spitting out scriptures like you used to… all because, you’re mad
with God.
But you’re not really mad, you’re disappointed.
You start saying things like, “Lord, you said...”, “Lord, I believed...”, “Hey! I did my part…”, and my personal favorite, “But what did I do?”, as if you’ve been wronged.
It hurts when you feel like God dropped the ball on you. It hurts when it feels like you started walking in obedience, in faith, and then God went silent. Like... MY BOY?! HELLO?! It’s giving wilderness and I don’t like that. I could’ve stayed where I was comfortable. I had everything I needed, I had security, people loved me, and now you got me out here, alone AND YOU’RE QUIET?
Wild behavior.
Here’s where I messed up, in August of 2021, a Wednesday afternoon to be exact, I told God I was tired of being in control. I had been going through the same things, doing the same things, and I felt like I was walking in circles. I felt like my life meant nothing, and it was going no where. I asked God to takeover, to be fully in charge, and that I’d go wherever He’d lead me. (Now, why ya’ll aint stop me? Cause HUH?) Baby, when I tell you THE VERY NEXT DAY the Lord had me edit my resignation letter for my job, and I had to turn it in by that following Monday. I said, “Oh…this is about to be ride”.
Present day here I sit, in the SECOND city that He’s had me move to, with no biological family, no husband, no babies, NO REGULAR DEGULAR JOB, just me and Him. I have quite literally never felt so out of control, yet so in purpose in all my days. I can’t explain to you the level of peace that I have, the peace that surpasses all my Earthly understanding.
Because when I think about the events of the last 3.5 years, I for sure should be in somebody’s
psych ward or worse. (I am SO not joking)
But writing has become my little piece of therapy, and I’d like to share some of my journey with you. So, do me a favor, and hit subscribe, so you won’t miss out on the deets, deal?
Talk soon sugga,
Racq