Whew Ya’ll.
*very quick exhale*
I went on a date the other week.
I know, I know, I knowwwww. Everybody calm down, nobody scream. PLEASE!
I went on a date, and you know what… I had… so much fun.
Now, if you’ve been following this journey for a while YOU KNOW that lil’ mama has been highly allergic to all men. Baby couldn’t even have a full-on conversation with one, without getting a teeny bit nauseous. I’m so not being funny. Get me a sprite or ginjail, with extra ice, STAT.
However, this was different. He was a friend, and that instantly made me comfortable. I didn’t have to ask the “What’s your favorite color? Do you like Chinese food? What do you like to do for fun?” questions, THANK GOD. It was just easy.
Here’s the thing… we’re not dating, in a relationship, or ANYTHING of the sort because he fully understood the space that I’m currently in, in my healing journey. And he much rather be a present friend, than a pushy partner. I love that for me.
*takes another breath*
But here’s what that experience did for me… it made me feel seen, heard, and safe. He knows I’m a planner, so he did a bulk of the planning. He knows I am totally a princess, so he opened every door, didn’t let me lift a finger, and my only job was to queue up a good playlist. He also knows that sometimes I can get overstimulated, so without me saying it, he knew when to adjust plans so that I was comfortable. Again, I felt seen, heard, and safe.
I… (choosing words wisely) because of the events of my life, I started to believe that maybe I was too difficult to love, romantically. Maybe my standards were too high, or maybe I was good enough to “hang out” with… just not good enough to make plans for. Good enough to be on facetime/text all day, just not good enough to commit to. IDK.
But that experience… it affirmed me. It confirmed that what I was asking for, wasn’t too much, nor was I wrong in having a certain expectation. Because during the date, while we had fun, there was a good bit of conversation too. And guess what? I didn’t have to overexplain myself…sheesh.
So, I’m now a teeny bit more open to exploring the dating wor…. Whew Jesus, maybe not. Hold on. I got dizzy while I was typing. Take me slow, Lord. Take me slow.
Ya’ll pray for your girl, I’m trying, okay?
Talk soon,
Racq