Let’s… let’s talk about last week.
*exhales*
I didn’t make a blog post last week. No, there wasn’t a glitch, you didn’t miss anything… I just didn’t do it.
This broke me all the way down.
Here’s the issue… a while ago, I made this promise to myself that I would finish the tasks that I start. Through the course of my life, I’ve started a lot of projects, brands, content, etc but somewhere down the line I either get tired or life just starts life-ing. Suddenly, the thing I was so passionate about is now on the back burner because I’m focused on whatever is currently in my viewpoint.
I’ve told you all before that I beat myself up better than anyone else could, so the idea that I was about to skip a week… baby, the mental anguish. TUH.
Here’s a look into my brain:
“If I skip a week, clearly, I’m a failure. Clearly, I dropped the ball. Like girl, people are now starting their week with this blog… and you just gon’, take a break?!?. What about what THEY need, what about showing up for THEM?!? How dare you let them down. You’re selfish for that. And if you would’ve planned better or written earlier in the week this wouldn’t have been a problem.”
Harsh, right?
Ya’ll, I tried to write, I’m telling you. I talked to some friends about where I was mentally/emotionally, and we collectively said a change of scenery would probably do me some good. So, the weekend before I was supposed to post, I packed a spennanight bag, my laptop, chargers, etc and escaped.
WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?!? My body wouldn’t even get still enough to focus on what I wanted to say to ya’ll. I couldn’t get past my own thoughts, I couldn’t regulate my nervous system, and I couldn’t even sit for too long. I felt like I was supposed to be doing something else, other than resting, something other than taking a breath.
But I was overwhelmed, I was tired, I’ve had more transitions in the last 20 weeks than some have in 2 years. (And embarking on more transitions in the coming days) It was clear that rest, and a reset was necessary… is necessary.
Can I be honest? I’m still tired. There’s a lot on my plate right now.
However, the love I have for writing exceeds my weariness so here I am. And truly, writing makes me feel better. I’m able to get the thoughts, feelings, sentiments out of my body, even if the words make me uncomfortable.
Anyways chile… I’m restarting therapy this week. Selah.
I missed ya’ll.
Talk soon,
Racq