Allllllrightyyyyy.
*Loud deep exhale*
I have a lot to say. So more than likely this blog will have multiple parts.
A few weeks back I was having dinner with a big sister of mine. You know those people, you can’t fake in front of? The ones who see through your, “Oh, I’m cool!” comments? Yeah, she’s in that category. So in between bites of food, she asked questions; my eyes got big with each one.
Cause girl, I did not in fact come here for this.
Eventually she said, “So, I know this isn’t probably on your mind with everything else you have going on, but how’s the dating life?”. Ya’ll I let out the biggest sigh, along with a deep eye roll.
EEEEEYYYUUUCKKKKK!
Ya’ll, I just… ugh. I had a few more sighs, and then I eventually said, “It’s just so layered.”. Now, she was fully prepared to unpack every layer, right at that moment, but I wasn’t. You see, I have realized just how deeply I feel, how big my emotions are, and allowing anybody to see those very vulnerable parts of me, scares me. I don’t care if its a platonic or romantic connection, I’m scared that people can see “my insides on my outsides”, if you get my drift.
The things that keep me up at night, the things that scare me, the things that make me think, the things that make my heart ache, and the bad days that flood my memory every once in a while. Like… who other than God, can hold space for that? It’s a lot.
Anyhow, back to dinner. Once I mentioned that my thoughts on dating were layered, she laughed and said, “Remember when Shrek told donkey, ogres have layers?”. I nodded while chuckling. Within a few seconds, she said, “You know what? You need to watch Shrek. Matter of fact, you need to watch all of them; I’m serious.”.
I quickly realized that she was in fact not joking. She wanted me to watch all 4 Shrek movies while unpacking my feelings. Now… my stomach was instantly in knots, because I knew that something so seemingly simple was about to alter my perspective, and how I viewed myself.
But I accepted the challenge.
Within a week, I sat down to start my new homework. I opened the notes app in my phone, in case anything came to me, and sat on the couch.
Ya’ll, why was my chest tight and eyes wet, 7 minutes into the first movie? head tilt
Let’s pause here, but I promise you part two is already queued up.
My lamb.
Talk soon,
Racq