Ya’ll ever felt…
*exhales loudly*
Tired?
Like, maybe not physically, maybe emotionally, or maybe spiritually… OR maybe you don’t even know the root… you just know you’re… tired.
That’s how I’ve felt for a few weeks.
But here’s the wild part about it. Things in my life are seemingly looking up. I’ve overcome so many mountains in the last 3 months, and I can see the fruit from the tears that watered my budding garden.
My village has grown, I feel more loved now than I ever have at one time. I know I’m heavily protected by God on all sides, I’m now involved in my church and there’s peace when I walk in my home. (That’s priceless)
But… I’m tired.
And for some reason, I get this feeling that while I was climbing mountains, crying, screaming, and in war, my body was taking a beating.
Because while I was fighting, I still showed up for others. While I was fighting, I still was in church (early). While I was fighting, I still wrote, took classes, and I still prayed for people.
I thought I had done a pretty good job of just sitting or existing, without doing a task but maybe I need more time? Idk.
Maybe there’s some things I need to go back and process, or maybe I just need to sleep for a few days. Idk.
Maybe I need a self-care weekend with massages and pampering.
Maybe I need to watch some sappy movies, stock up on snacks, and cry for a weekend.
IDK.
These are the moments where I slightly tilt my head, and look at God like… “Umm, hey.. I know you’re here right now, but.. Am I okay, my Guy? Cause I feel a little crazy.”
Now, I do know that my dreams have been pretty loaded the last 2 months. So maybe the lack of rest has impacted my body?
I don’t know chile, I’m trying to think of every possible solution or answer to this question and its not giving. (This is irritating my sha-nana, kay?)
I know I could pray, I could write, or even paint this out of me. But all of those are actions, and I just want to exist for a little while without feeling like I have to… do.
Does that make sense, ya’ll?
‘Cause again… I don’t feel bad, things are really great… I’m just… tired.
Chile, idk.
Ya’ll pray my strength in the Lord.
Talk soon,
Racq