*pretty loud exhale*
You ever had your plans interrupted? What about a change in scheduling? Or maybe even an unfortunate event that altered the very trajectory of your week, month or year?
I… Idk, we’re constantly told to “have a plan” or “you need a schedule”, but things are constantly changing, every single day. The moment we are settled into a rhythm, life lifes, I'm telling you. And the ghetto part about it, is that in most cases, we have to change with it. We don’t have the luxury of an adjustment period, we just have to move accordingly.
As I said in my last blog, I have been beating myself up for weeks about skipping a week or two with my postings. For 19 weeks straight, I posted a blog every single Monday without fail. But my schedule today, is not the schedule I’ve had… it’s a bit more complex now. And while I appreciate God for opportunities, increase, growth, etc.… I’m having to learn a new rhythm.
I have to look at my obligations, as well as my needs in order to determine the best course of action for me in this season.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, TOMATO, TOMATO!
I’ve told my village for MONTHS, that June would be my busiest month because of several events happening, to include travel. But what I didn’t plan for? A new position at my “part-time” job, where I no longer have the same schedule daily; I have to be more flexible with my hours. I didn’t
account for me restarting therapy, and the amount of inner work that I was about to have to do. I didn’t account for the days that I would want to spend with my girls… because now, I’m no longer used to being alone. (Why did I just get emotional?)
Let me take a pause there very quickly to say, once you’ve been engrafted into a safe, loving community… isolation is no longer comfortable. You do need days to be by yourself or just spend time with God… but if it goes on too long, there’s something in your heart that longs for your people. They become essential to your world, and I just don’t know what I’d do without any of my girls.
Alright, I’m back.
So, I’m trying not to be frustrated with myself… but I am! I was getting into a rhythm. I would wake up at a certain time, have my little morning routine, get to work, leave work and go to the park to write, go home to eat, settle in and rub my feet together by 9. I DON’T KNOW THE LAST TIME I’VE
HAD A DAY THAT SMOOTH. There’s been a new task, responsibility or obligation
every single day. Some things I’ve said no to, and others I couldn’t get out of.
I’ve been forced to embrace the concept of “Do what you can TODAY, and TODAY ALONE”… that’s ghetto. For an oldest daughter, baby… we’re superwomen. WE CAN DO IT ALL; lies. As my therapist has stated to me, "there’s a lot of learning and unlearning that needs to be done in order for me to be a
healthier me".
So, if that means that I skip a week of posting… please forgive me now. It’s not that I don’t want to share, I just ran out of capacity and I refuse to give ya’ll scraps.
Idk chile… I think these blogs may get a little more in depth. I hope that’s okay.
Thanks for journeying with me.
Talk soon,
Racq