Alright...
So, as I said in last week's blog, a lot has happened. A lot.
I was doing my best to put the events of my life in chronological order, but it's going to be easier for me to hop around. I hope that's okay.
Let's start here... I got a relaxer, ya'll. Yes, a perm. The creamy crack, the cracka wack, the laid lack slick back. Yes, I did. I ain't shamed.
For the last 15 years of my life, I have been a natural girlie. If you do the math, that means I stopped getting relaxers in HIGH SCHOOL. The only chemical that went into my VERY thick hair since my last relaxer, was color.
I fully embraced my natural curl. I've been red, blonde, brown, layered, short, long, etc. I even fully cut my hair off twice. (I'm not afraid of scissors by any means)
I enjoyed the flexibility I had with my hair, and it was always fun to do something new. I was never boxed into "one look", and I loved that for me, truly. My hair was an outward expression of how I felt inside, or whatever phase of life that I was currently in.
But over the last 3 years, things started to change for me...
You all know that I began this faith journey around August 2022, and boy has it been a journey. I have experienced everything from the wilderness to survival mode, and its been tough. (To say the least) Life has gotten harder in some aspects, easier in others. I've had seasons of fighting for my life, seasons of fighting for my mental and emotional health. I've had seasons of lack, and I've certainly had my seasons of asking God "Why would you send me through this?".
Its.... been such a journey, and the story is still unfolding.
*Loud exhale*
Anyhow, here's what led to my decision to make this drastic change.
The closer I got to 33, the more I desired rest, ease, and peace. I've survived some pretty ugly and traumatic seasons, that have certainly brought about character development but it was almost like I was gasping for air. You know... healing in waves, right? So, I began to look at my life to find areas that could be made easy. What areas in my life, can I adjust to preserve energy for another task or assignment? How can I best preserve Racquel overall?
My hair was on that list.
After 15 years of detangling, deep conditioning, parting, and blow drying until my arms went numb, I couldn't take it. It was no longer fun for me, and I knew it was time for a shift.
Here's the other factor, one of my best girls and I made a pact months ago that if we ever wanted to cut our hair again, we'd add some creamy crack. We never followed up on it, but I knew she was serious.
One day, almost a week after my birthday, I facetimed her out the blue... and where was she? In the chair at the salon, getting white stuff put on her head. I gasped in betrayal. *chuckles* YOU DIDN'T TELL ME IT WAS TIME!
From that moment a conversation started with her, my sister and I. While we celebrated her new change, and how beautiful it was. My sister then says to both of us, "We are allowed to adjust, shift, change, and evolve.".
That was all I needed, permission to evolve. I didn't have to be locked in to this esthetic. I'm nowhere near the person I was 15 years ago. Hell, I'm not even the person I was 6 months ago. Some days I don't even recognize myself, so why stay boxed in? I didn't have to, and nobody told me I needed to either.
So, what did I do? Texted my stylist to see if she had an opening, she did. I booked the appointment, and proceeded to take out the protective style that was originally supposed to last for 3 weeks at least.
I had to tell myself, "Racq, this doesn't make you anti-black, it doesn't make you any less of a woman, and it doesn't make you a punk. You're just tired, and you want to find pockets where you can breathe, so here's where we'll start."
I got to my appointment, nervous and shaking but I knew I was going to be alright. And do you know, by the end of that appointment, I wanted to cry. Not out of sadness, but in freedom and in evolution. I knew I had shifted in my body, in my soul, and in my spirit; now my appearance reflected that.
I gave myself permission to fly, and I haven't regretted it yet.
*exhales in gratitude*
See you next week.
Talk soon,
Racq