Alright.
It's currently snowing in Memphis, and we are... stuck to say the least.
There's about 10+ inches of snow on the ground, and we can't even see the road. Nowhere to go, nothing to tend to, no event that requires a rushed moment... just stillness, and my thoughts.
EEEEYUCK.
Let me back track for just a second.
I recently told you guys that I started a new job; it's been great, fulfilling to say the least. However, because of the nature of the position, I've not had a lot of time to connect in my personal relationships; family, friends, etc. I quite literally communicate with people all day. So, by the end of the day... sometimes night, I just want to go to bed. At that point my brain is on the brink of exploding, and I just need to turn it off.
Then came the weekend.
Meteorologists and social media experts were predicting this "winter snow storm" to be historic. Everyone said, "Wherever you plan to be by Friday evening... just know you're staying there through the weekend". *chuckles*
Baby, they were not lying. I couldn't drive my little toot-toot out the garage if I wanted to.
Sheesh.
Needless to say, by Saturday in between naps, I was longing for connection. I wanted to talk. I wanted to process my week; I wanted to share the ebbs & flows of my emotions regarding my week. I wanted the space to cry, if the tears began to form.
But I wanted to do it with a certain party; somewhere I felt safe.
Here's the thing... I'd received a number of "Here if you wanna talk" or "Just let me know what you need" texts over the last few weeks, but I... I don't know. I think I'm a bit more guarded than I'd like to admit. So who I openly share my unfiltered, raw emotions with has become a very sacred thing. Maybe that's linked to trauma or even trust issues, but I just rather type out a brain dump in my phone or talk to the Lord. (If I can't reach my person, ya know?)
Am I scared to let people in?
Am I afraid of rejection?
Am I afraid of being mishandled?
Are insecurities at work?
Idk. Maybe all of the above. But I'm doing the best I can to try to use my words, express the proper emotion, and not shrink into isolation because of past experiences.
I'd love to have a soft place to land... I just want to be able to trust it before I fall.
I hope that makes sense.
Let me just log out, before the tears fall.
I'll see you guys next week; ilysm.
Talk soon,
Racq