Lord hammercy.
Are there any oldest daughters over here by chance? (Even if you’re not, you’ll still be able to track the story… just hold on).
Okay ya’ll, today my BABY brother turns 29. I said baby, I don't care nothing about it, he is MY baby. I remember the day he was BONE (say it just like that). MY. KID.
Let me be realistic for just a moment, chile. This grown man lives 8+ hours away from me, he has a whole life, friends I haven’t met, HE’S
ATTRACTIVE, and he’s just an all-around good guy.
So, as his big sister… what is my position now?
Do I send check-in texts every week, to make sure he’s okay? Do I call randomly to see his face? (He is not a phone person, please vm or
text him) Do I pray from a distance and hope everything is okay? Do I send random “cash apps” when I have extra, just in case he needs it?
Idk. He’s a man now, a good one at that.
This is what happens when we’ve become accustomed to operating in one role for so long. Once transition happens, we don’t know how
to shift, we’re confused, we’re stepping on eggshells, and sometimes we feel….Lost. Because we don’t know how to operate in this “new” space, and no one has given us the playbook on navigating it.
For me, it’s the idea that, “Racq, you live hours away from your parents AND your brother. You can’t afford to be the family manager and still be fully present in what is happening in YOUR world. So how about you focus on God, what He wants YOU to do, and let Him take care of your loved ones.”
EXCUSE ME WHATTTT?!?!
What do you mean DON’T WORRY or wonder if my people are okay?!?! I’M THE MANAGER! If I don’t keep everybody together, if I don’t show up, if I don’t check-in, what will happen?
And I had to learn… that’s no longer my problem.
*Loud Exhale*
The same God that has moved me from two states as a single woman, and I can type this blog in my RIGHT MIND; Is the same God that can make sure my baby brother is safe, and in good health. He’s the same God that can make sure my parents are well and thriving. And if there’s something I need to be made aware of HE’LL tell me. (Usually in dreams, with thorough context so I’m not confused.)
In the meantime, it is now my job to place all the energy that I’ve put into others for 30+ years into me.
You talk about a hard task, ya’ll. I love with everything that I have, I give completely of myself, and in recent days I’ve had to ask
God to help me with b…bo…bou… boundaries. Jesus. Because I’m in a season where He wants me to pour into, me. Which means my cup can’t be empty.
So, I must trust that the very big God that I claim to serve, is more than capable of ensuring that everybody on my heart is better than okay. Once again, just working out this control muscle. Hallelujah you’re worthy.
*Soft Exhale*
All is well, and everything is under control. (I just gotta believe it)
Talk soon,
Racq