They're just girls.
THEY. ARE. JUST. GIRLS.
I hopped right in there, huh? No preface, nothing.
Let's take a breath. *Loud Exhale*
Alright, a few weeks ago the world celebrated Mother's Day. Natural mothers, mothers who adopted, mothers who've lost, and those who chose to be moms. There's a special kind of grace that rest on mothers, to nurture, to love unconditionally, to repair wounds, and to fill voids before they're even created.
That's so wild.
But the older I get, and am seeing my own mother differently, the more I say, they're just girls.
The women who are the foundation of a family, the birth canal, the root, the rock, and the source of affirmation, are little girls who physically GREW into women.
What if they weren't nurtured? What if they didn't get a chance to BE a girl? What if the pregnancy came at an inopportune time? And.. this may hurt a little bit, but what if the man she laid with wasn't ideal... he was just available. (Married or not, babes... but that's another conversation for another day.)
Do me a favor, and take a second to think. I want you to think about how old your mom was when she had you, and then think about what you were doing at that age. What was your mindset? What were your goals, your dreams? How did you see your life playing out? What was the most important thing to you?
Now add a child to that equation.
You know what, I'll go first. *Loud Exhale*
My mom was 23 when she had me. TWENTY-THREE. Yes, she was married, but SHE WAS TWENTY-THREE. You can't even legally rent a car until you're 25. My girl was a full on wife and mommy, to a little girl at that, and she was only a year or so into marriage. HELLO?!?
Wanna know what I was doing at 23? I WAS IN THE CLUB, with my non-twerking self, embarrassing God and man. Not a care in the world (Also functionally depressed).
I was in no way preparing myself to be a mother, and barely was prepping to be a wife. My mental health was in the back of somebody's dumpster, and I was just existing.
So now, I think about my girl who CHOSE to be a full-time mommy, and wife. The girl who sacrificed multiple dreams, multiple desires, to ensure that her household was okay. I don't know if she did it because that's what she saw (My Nana was the ultimate SAHW), if that's what she wanted, or if she just felt it was necessary.
Now, don't get me wrong, my girl still worked a job early in the marriage for a few years, but after that... She was at every recital, award ceremony, field day, car pick-up, chaperoned the field trips, and kept the house together. While simultaneously teaching my brother and I, how to love God, how to set aside intentional times of prayer, how to celebrate people, and the fact that a fry can really heal you.
Like most daughters, I had my ugly teenage phase where I wasn't the kindest to my girl, and for that I've apologized. Because, how could I be so unkind to someone who would quite literally give up their life for me? Even through her own pains, stories, grief, and journey, she chose me, she chose my brother, and probably on days when she just wanted her mommy.
I don't know ya'll, I've been very reflective over the last few months. It's almost as if I see things from a new perspective. Now, you may have an interesting dynamic with your mom. Maybe she's combative, maybe she has a nice/nasty complex, maybe she absolutely wrecks your nerves with her ways of doing things... but she's yours.
Begin to review the complexities of her life, all that she endured, the things she overcame, and what all she instilled in you. It wasn't all bad. There was something that she gave you in word, deed, or characteristic that you love; just take the time to think it through. Once you've processed it, you can then give her grace for the times that you felt like she failed you or missed the mark. She was doing the best that she could, with what she had. (Hello Mariah)
And... if your mom is no longer physically in the Earth, whisper a thank you to her & God for the love that she gave while she was here. It mattered, and it always will. And if you need to... forgive her.
After all, she's just a girl.
Selah.
Talk soon,
Racq