I know, I know… I made ya’ll wait. It was two long weeks, okay?
Hold on, let’s take a breath cause I need to run through this first part, a little quickly.
*loud exhale*
Alrighhhhttttyyy, so I landed in ATL a little before 9 PM that Friday night. My flight actually landed early which worked out great. As soon
as we got on the ground, I quickly realized that I hadn’t eaten a single thing
but a bag of chips on the way to the airport. I had been going for 14 hours on
fumes and water. I mean… Racquel, do you even love yourself?!? Not only have
you sacrificed time, money, and energy… now you’re famished… borderline HANGRY.
Tuh.
Anyhow, first stop? Wangs. Mama loves a wang. So while I waited on my ride to get me from the terminal, I found a wang spot and ordered a honey
hot with lemon pepper sprankles. I said sprankles, don’t make me mad. Alright. The
young lady that made my food was so sweet, and you know what she did? She fried
my wings hard and added extra sauce. Now, I don’t know about the God you serve,
but MINE??! Loves me bookie. So, I tore into those wangs, told God thank ya and
skipped on out to meet my good bros who were picking me up. Got to the hotel,
and thankfully my roomie (another bridesmaid) had already successfully checked us
in so all I had to do was unwind. I took the extra time to decompress with my
girls, shower, re-do my makeshift ponytail, apply my press-ons, and settle in somewhere
by 1 AM. Now mind you… we had a 4 and 6 AM call time for makeup, because this
wedding started at 11 AM. Baby, go ahead and insert your own words, cause mhm.
MHM.
Now let me back up for just a second. By the time I got in the car headed to the hotel with my bros, I was having an internal conversation
with myself. I realized that I was going to be present and to stand with a
friend, not to perform, not to jump through hoops, not to be anything else but
there. I mean the reality is, I had been traveling all week and I was
completely drained. By this point, I had already booked my one-way flight right
back to Memphis for first thing Sunday morning; like at dawn. I wanted my bed, I
wanted my people, and I just wanted to stop thinking for once. So, I made the
decision to just exist. And if you know anything about weddings, you know that
nothing EVER goes completely the way its planned, you have to leave room for
life to life. Like clockwork, the day started playing out the way it was
designed from the foundation of the world, and while I could’ve gotten quickly
overstimulated, I chose to exist. I didn’t go into superwoman mode, I didn’t
dive in to fix anything, I just existed. While my girlfriends were getting
their makeup done, I made jokes and took selfies. I laughed when moments really
shouldn’t have been funny, but it broke any tension in the air, and the girls
started to relax with me. Ain’t that good?
*Loud exhale*
We finished all wedding activities, social hours, a corporate nap, etc. and next thing I knew it was almost midnight. It was time
for me to pack it up, and get to safety.
My good good girlfriend arranged a ride for me to get picked up for the airport before dawn, because my flight was leaving around 6:45. Here’s
where a new round of anxiety came into play. I had trouble checking my bags at
the last minute, and the airline I was flying required bags to be checked an
hour before departure; I was running late. So while I’m standing at the desk
trying to get situated, the desk clerk is letting me know I had 4 minutes to
get payment and fees handled on the site or I’m going to miss my flight. Nearing
a panic attack? Yeah. I was… but did she hold the line for me? Yeah… she did. By
the time I got to my terminal, I heard the intercom say “Now closing gate…”, it
was my gate. GOD I JUST WANNA GO HOME, PLEASE! I took off running down the terminal,
and when I was feet away from my gate, I screamed, “WAIT!” until they noticed
me. The gate stayed open until I got to the entrance, and they let me board. I got
onto the plane to find somebody sitting in my seat, so once she moved I finally
sat, fighting to catch my breath, tears in my eyes, and level 4 anxiety trying
to grab me by the throat. ONLY. FOR. TAKEOFF. TO. BE. DELAYED. And then when I made
it to my layover, it got delayed as well.
I had nothing left. Money gone, energy spent, overwhelmed with emotion, needing an extra long hug, and just wanting to sleep.
But by the time I touched down in Memphis, my girl was already at the airport just waiting to scoop me and get me to safety. I grabbed
my bag from the claim, rushed outside, and when I saw her car I think I exhaled
while fighting tears. I’d given everything I had to people all week long, and
here was my girl coming to rescue me.
Needless to say, once I made it home, I slept on and off for the next 28 hours.
And this all started with the inability to say "no", because I didn't want to disappoint people. But how much did it cost ME? Were lifetime memories made? Sure. But am I still recovering from the last 3 weeks... Definitely.
Don’t worry babes, by the time you read this I’ll be in my 4th therapy session.
Are ya’ll praying bruh?
Talk soon,
Racq